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Tuesday, May 31, 2005

When the Ring Doesn't Fit

A link to make you think....

An article about the ever-rising ranks of "never-marrieds."

A rank I will probably spend most, if not all, my days in.

When the Ring Doesn't Fit.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

MarioWorld News

Mushroom Kingdom, MarioWorld- Princess Peach, daughter of Mushroom Kingdom ruler King Toadstool has been kidnapped today. The culprit has been identified as King Bowser of the Koopa family. The reason for the kidnapping is not apparent, witnesses only describe the reptilian villain as "a real meanie." When asked on whether he will put forth his own Royal Guard or if he will ask for the assistance of such allies as the United States Special Ops or the British Armed Guard to help recover his daughter, the heir to the throne, the King replied, "It's cool. I already called the plumber."

Thursday, May 19, 2005

La Double Vie de Cruel Hazel

For those who are curious, I do have a blog outside of this one. A new one that a friend and I started to catalogue the crazy going-ons of the College Park Posse.
Curious?
Want to read about Jello-Shot cake?
Visit High Seas Munching.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Ginormous!

For YEARS, I have advocated the use of the word "ginormous."
Finally, some recognition.

I anxiously await the mainstream acceptence of "fantabulous" and "qewish" as well.
~CH

***UPDATE***
It has come to my attention that "fantabulous" is in the dictionary.

So I replace that suggestion with "chillax."

Friday, May 13, 2005

Chivalry is NOT Dead

This is quick and simple. I was reading DC Bachelor, what with how it amuses me so, (he's sensible and he cooks. Hallelujah!), and I finally clicked on the link to the Cleveland Park Men's Club blog. If you are male, especially if you are still on the dating scene, GO VISIT. It is the smartest thing you will ever damn well do. They go from the ground up on how to behave around women. And as much as most guys like to assume that they don't have to do anything 'chivalrous', what with the permeation of feminism into society, I got news for you, most girls will KILL for a guy who will open the door for women and will walk on the correct side of the sidewalk. Having a sense of gentlemanliness and grace is almost a lost art and I will be delighted if CPMC manages to bring it back.
I miss classy guys, dammit.
So go! GO! GO! GO!
-CH

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Best Apartment EVER

Thanks to everyone's support of Lesbian Pirates. I'll announce when production starts. :-)

I just wanted to drop a quick note to state, starting this August, I will have the BEST APARTMENT EVER. I'll be living with three of my chillest, best friends. And everyone is welcome to come hang at our place, as there will be constant free food, bellydancing, good music, great people, and a leopard gecko named Hedwig Hedberg.
Kick ass.

Let me introduce you to the peeps of 6208 next year.


Clockwise, starting from upper-left corner: Toby, Me, Ilana, and Margo.
Ilana's photo looks way better than ours because it's her scanned headshot, back from the acting days.

We like to joke that we'll have the artsiest apartment ever. Toby is a dancer. Margo is a skilled art major. Ilana practically runs a theatre group. I study classical voice and play a few instruments. Dance. Art. Theatre. Music.
But we overlap, which makes us supercool.
Ilana and I both act.
Margo, Toby, and I study bellydancing.
Margo and I both do art.
Margo and Toby both do theatre tech. (Set design and Stage managing, respectively.)
Margo and I have attended Safe Zone Programs and Feminist parties together.
I cook, Toby is eager to learn, and Margo and Ilana are eager to eat our cooking.

Damn, we are cool.

More on our misadventures soon to come.

Monday, May 09, 2005

Lesbian Pirates!


I figured it out. I'm finally going to become a cult classic. I'm going to start a small music group called "Lesbian Pirates." The name alone buys me an entire demographic of yuppies. And the songs practically write themselves:

1) The Vagina Song - The words go like this, "Vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina vagina... puuuusssssy!"

2) Yuppies Will Buy Anything - "Sell some tequila past it's prime/ And call it Ethnic Turpentine./ Put some chummus in their hair/ And call it Mid-Eastern beauty care/ Because yuppies will buy anything..."

3) They Won't Let Me Into Sororities- "What it comes down to in the end,/ I don't need to join a club to make friends."

4) Coffee Is Hot- "Strong, bold, rich;/ Just the way I like you./Hot, dark, fluid;/ As I touch my lips to you./ My first desire in the morning/ My last taste at night."

5) White Boys Are White Bread- "I guess it's because they've become a bore/ but white boys don't arouse me anymore."

6) Tap Rob's Ass- "Doesn't matter the time or season/ You don't need any rhyme or reason/ Just bring it hard and bring it fast/ Ladies, you know you wanna tap Rob's ass."

7) Good Bi Love- "I loves the cock, I admit it's true,/ But damn! I love the vagina too!"

8) Nekkie- (Spoken word against a 8 chord progression) "I'm thinking about you naked."


:-D
-CH

**UPDATE 05/09 5:05**
I think I'm going to do a song entitled "I'll Get You A Sandwich When YOU Fix My Damn Car."

**UPDATE 05/20 **
More Songs to add to the list:
-Bibamus, Moriendum Est
-Just Because You Watch Anime, It Doesn't Make You Japanese
-Catgirls
-Fat Chicks Need Love, Too
-Geek Girl

Thursday, May 05, 2005

How CH picks her topic and more Queer issues...

Listen, I'm not gonna lie about how my posts get written up. I get bored, I hit yahoo.com, and I check the news headlines. I look at them until something jumps out at me and I say, "I bet I could pull out enough shit about that topic to justify a post." And then I process it, add my secret blend of herbs and spices and pass the savings on to you, the reader.

So, today's topic is more on Queer issues. Recently, a march was held at Independence Hall to honor the 40th anniversary of one of the earliest, if not the first, Gay Rights protests. Of course, some whiney Christian Conservative group had to get pissy about it. Enter 'Focus on Family,' a group that opposes gays based on scripture.
Listen, I disagree. I certainly understand where they are getting their "source" from, but I disagree. And I will talk more about that in a future post. You can count on it.
However, this post has to do with the statement made by Focus' Director of Public Policy, Thomas Minnery:
"There are thousands of people who have left homosexuality, including some on our staff. To say that one is born that way obviously flies in the face of facts."

Listen, I got no interest in arguing whether same-sex attraction is nurture or nature. In either case, the end result is, you're gay. Period. But the real statement I want to make here is:
Nurture or Nature, it's still not a CHOICE.
No one CHOOSES to be gay. No one chooses to enter a lifestyle filled with persecution and fear. I think a lot of people are under-exposed to the constant discrimination that the LGBTQ community faces every day. No one chooses a lifestyle where their marriages are questionable, where they can't adopt children, where their very moral fabric is under constant scrutiny.

The idea that people "leave" being gay begs the question "Are they simply repressed?" Are they so tired of being told they're going to hell, that they're child-molesters, that they are second-class citizens, that they cannot feel love the way that other straight people can, that makes them want to repress their own desires for a shot at acceptance?

Cruel Hazel says that's an issue to think about.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Interactive Post #1

Step 1: Look at the following 2 links:

US Can't Account for $100 million of spending in Iraq

Cost of War.com

Step 2: Repress that nauseous feeling you have.

Step 3: Write your own damn post.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

The Most Ghetto Rigging of Them All

So every now and then, I feel like I should get a chance to post stuff about my own life that isn't necessarily socio-political.
Why?
Because it's my blog.
Ha.

Anyhow, for anyone in the DC/College Park area, my alternative/experimental/low-budget theatre group, Weekday Players, is doing Rumours by Neil Simon in Tawes. May 4th and 5th. 7:30. See the link for details.
Anyhow, I'm taking a break from acting in this show, spare the one voice cameo at the end, and instead, I'm stage managing with my favoritest flatmate of them all, Toby.


So, some of the stuff I do is help put up the scenery. We're a low/no budget group, so we borrow flats from high schools and redo them. Cheap, but not exactly quality work. We don't have money or time really for GOOD supports and braces. Just enough to keep the flat standing. If that.
Well, we had this one flat that kept falling forward every time someone opened the door. Solution?
My patented "ghetto-rigging."


(Yes, that's MY Jew-Nose you see in the edge there)

Essentially, it's twine around the door frame attatched to the wall. The finished ghetto-rigging is much sturdier and thicker looking than in the above picture of me just STARTING the ghetto-rigging. Perhaps a picture of it later. Anyhow, that flat isn't going to be falling ANYWHERE anytime soon.
Hardcore.

Shredding Shrek

I liked Shrek. I liked Shrek II. I still like them. I think they're witty and well-done.Both movies did well, I was excited for them and that was that.
But apparently, it wasn't enough for them.
E! Online has reported that they're making ANOTHER Shrek movie, Shrek III. I don't know much about this movie, all I know is in addition to many of the original voices, they're using Justin Timberlake as the voice of a young prince Arthur.
And I have one thing to say.

Stop.
Stop it right now.
Please, please, PLEASE, oh dear god, stop.

This is not a good idea.

It's risky enough making a third movie, but you're going to stoop to using a teenybopper idol, too?

It's a bad idea, a really bad idea.

Dreamworks,
PLEASE, don't ruin Shrek. Don't do this. Use that money to make another creative piece that you are SO good at. Stop beating the horse. It's dead.

~CH