Cruel Hazel's Big Bucket of Miscellanea

Spinal Tap x3

2009-10-01T13:00:00.002-04:00

Between law school, seamstress-ing, and my food blog, I don't really update this blog ever. But poor Joel Watson at Hijinks Ensue just went through a spinal tap and I feel for him. So, I'm reposting an abridged version of my popular account of my spinal tap.
-J

One day, I got a call from my mom saying, "Hey, I'm going to get new glasses. Want to come get some too?"
And I said yes, for I had been aching for a sassy new pair of glasses.
We get to the optometrist, she does my eye exam, and then she says "Hm."
I fucking HATE when doctors do that. It means something is not business as usual and that always ends badly for me.
"Hm?" I reply.
"Well, your optic nerves are really swollen. You need to have those checked out right away."
"Great, I'll make an appointment for next week."
"I meant sooner."
"Fine, we'll get someone to squeeze me in tomorrow."
"I mean, you should go to the emergency room now. The Wilmer at Hopkins has one that's open 24/7."
"Huh."
"Yeah, here's a script."

So, we make a brief stop off at home, and then we head to the emergency room. With both of my parents. I was not freaked out until they BOTH decided they wanted to come. It made me paranoid that they somehow thought that my head might explode Scanners-style and they wanted to be there for my last moments. They are both fans of fireworks.

Anyway, after being admitted into the main ER, we waited SEVEN HOURS to be seen at the Wilmer ER. I was thankful I was not really considered a priority case, but I wish I had known ahead of time so I could have brought a book or my ipod. Instead, I had to make do with half-hearted political talk with my dad, cell-phone tetris, and calling people on the West Coast.

Finally, the ER doctor saw me. It is 3 am and I am tired. She dilated my pupils, shined some lights, did a vision test, stuck a pressure gauge into my eye, and said, "Hm."

I fucking HATE "Hm."

"Your optic nerves are swollen. But you're 20/20. And you've had no headaches?"
"Nope."
"No dizziness."
"Nope."
"I'm going to call neurology."
"Keen."

So, eventually, a neurologist made his way to the ER. Nice guy, looked a LOT like David Cross. He made me do all the neurology bits, what with the walking, touching, lifting my limbs, asking if I've been slurring. I'm half-surprised I passed them because I was pretty out of it. He looks at his chart and then looks at me.

"Hm."

I swear loudly in my head.

"We're going to need to run some tests. You appear to have a lot of pressure behind your eyes. It could just be spinal fluid, but we need to make sure it isn't tumors or clots. We'll admit you as an in-patient and start testing right away," he tells me.

"Ok, sounds fine," I answer.

"It's probably just excess fluid in the skull, it's called pseudo-tumor. It's not all that uncommon. But we have to rule out all the other options first. Really, the best case scenario is we find that it's pseudo-tumor, we do a lumbar puncture, and we get you out of here."

Did he just say my BEST CASE SCENARIO was a SPINAL TAP?
I am not so happy about this.

So I am admitted 4am, Thursday morning. Over the next 24 hours or so, I am subjected to MRIs, MRVs (with contrast, ew), CT scans, literally about a dozen blood tests, and am made to pee in a cup. All the while, I am being hovered over by half a dozen residents, who view my anomalous condition as a science experiment.
I had a really cute, super-sweet, Peruvian neurology resident named Fransisco on my team though, so that was pleasant. He held my hand as the attempted to do my first spinal tap. They wanted to do it bedside, with me on my side, which essentially means they had to approximate where to stick the needle. It was easily one of the most painful experiences of my life, and I have a chunk of flesh missing from my left leg, so I know from pain. ANYWAY, they shoot me with lidocaine, which hurts like a bitch all on its own. (God forbid they dope me up ahead of time with something a little more... comprehensive.) They then attempt to do the lumbar puncture. Attempt, being the operative word. They actually stick me several times, because they are having issues finding the right spot and they keep saying, and I quote, "meeting resistance," which I am pretty sure is codeword for "Fuck, I think I might be hitting her spine."

Finally, they give up and agree to send me down to radiology so they can use the fluoroscope to do the puncture. It is less painful than the bedside tap, which is not to say it is a walk in the park. It's is vaguely reminiscent of having a root canal. In your spine.
But it gets done, they drain off 8cc's for sampling. The radiologist asks if I am feeling any better, as draining fluid usually helps relieve headaches in patients with pseudo tumor. I explain that I came in asymptomatic, so really, I felt just fine up until they shoved a giant needle into my spine. He raises an eyebrow and they send me back to my room.

But you see, the problem was that they were supposed to drain me down to a normal pressure. Apparently, that order had gotten lost somewhere. So, a few hours later, they send me back for my second run through, where they take off 17cc's. Fabulous. I have now had 3 spinal taps (ok, two spinal taps and a failed spinal tap) in under 16 hours.

Happily, they sent me home on Friday afternoon and I made it to Faire on Sunday, with the promise that I do not do any heavy lifting or bending, because, you know, when they shove that giant needle into your spine, it actually dislocates it some.
Also, Steve made me feel like a total badass for showing up to faire as soon as I did, which filled my little hardcore heart with joy. :-)

And then, the next day I caught a cold. Which sucked.
But less than multiple spinal taps.

Gratuitous Picture Post

2007-08-07T16:06:00.000-04:00

I have oft mentioned my mad gardening habits. I have some sunflowers and whatnot that are coming along beautifully.
I took pictures my green babies a few days ago (in case the bunnies get at them again).
So, a couple gratuitous pictures. (And a link so you can see more if you'd like, without me clogging up my blog and the internets with huge pictures. It is, after all, a series of tubes.)

oh teh n0ez! I R not funny!

2007-08-03T14:54:00.000-04:00

I hadn't gotten any flames for so long, I was starting to feel a bit cold. But as luck would have it, the blog gods granted me a flamer of the particularly obnoxious type on my previous review.
Let's have a look, shall we?
The flame, in its entirety. Plus a little spice from yours truly.

Anonymous said...
(Ahhhh, yes. The pansy-ass coward who won't even take responsibility for his remarks. I should TOTALLY respect this guy.
Hey, Anonymous; at least I had the balls to attach my name to my opinions.)

That was honestly the worst review I have ever read half of.
(At least I watched the whole movie before I made my opinion on it. And I read your whole comment before making my opinion that you are a jackass.)

The worst thing any one can say about a movie is that it was accidentaly funny.
(No, the worst thing anyone can say about a movie is "It made me vomit up my internal organs and for a brief moment, I smelled flesh burning, and heard children screaming, men gnashing their teeth, and the sun was blocked from the sky." But I like to save those gems for Dungeons&Dragons.)

Do you honsetly think you sence of humor is better of more suffisticated then any in voled with superbad?
(I don't think I ever claimed that. MY sense of humor wasn't in question. However, your "sence" of spelling and grammar is a whole other problem. I'm not sure I even really understood that sentence.
Let me give you some advice- if you can't spell "sophisticated", you probably aren't an authority on it.)

And people were worried about the state of public education!

Listen, I don't make any claims to my sense of humor. The point of the review wasn't to be funny; frankly, I wasn't even trying to be funny. The point of the review was to review the movie, any semblance of humor is simply incidental to my writing style. And I don't care if Superbad is your "new fave movie 4evar LOLZ", you're welcome to name your firstborn after it. But if you're getting all defensive just because "oh teh n0ez! teh interweb grrl sed bad thingz! boohoo!", then you might be overcompensating for something.

In any case, it's hardly a reason to be bugging me.

SuperBad - actually only moderately bad. But still bad.

2007-08-02T17:29:00.000-04:00

Those who know me are aware that I will often extol the glory that is the Maryland Film Festival for hours on end, often against the audience's will. One of the benefits of associating with the MDFF is the frequent receipt of advance screening passes. A few weeks ago, I received advance screening passes to the movie Superbad. Normally, I wouldn't bother to go see the generic teen comedy in a theater, but it WAS free and I felt like spending some quality time with my good friend, Yo. So, against my better judgment, I headed off to the Hunt Valley Regal cinema, stood in an absurdly slow line, and was frisked for recording devices - all to see Superbad.

Superbad is, as the title implies, bad. The general plot of the movie revolves around two high school seniors and co-dependent best friends, Seth and Evan, as they navigate their final weeks before they go to separate colleges. It's a general coming of age theme, as Seth and Evan come to terms with their inevitable separation. Also, trying to get laid. That's important, too. There is nothing new or novel here.

The main movement of the movie is Seth and Evan's desperate attempt to acquire liquor for a party, in hopes of getting some action from their respective love interests. Various hijinx ensue.

Really, that's it.

The humor is sophomoric, at best, and the dialogue is sub-par to average. It often feels forced and contrived to get in the required amount of penis jokes. Did I mention the extraordinary amount of penis jokes? There is a vague underlying subtext of homoeroticism between the two best friends and all the humor related to that area is included. Not to mention the liberal (read: overuse) of profanity. Listen, I'm not a prude when it comes to profanity and bawdy humor. Not only do I often swear like a sailor myself; I assure you, I thoroughly enjoyed Kevin Smith's Clerks (and various other related movies) as much as anyone else and I frequent Rocky Horror showings. However, in Superbad, the copious amount of obscenity seems awkward and self-conscious, as if it was placed there in a labored, artificial attempt to seem "edgy".

The characters are a mixed bag. In an example of surprising incongruity, the characters, while extremely identifiable, fail to arouse much empathy in the viewer. You'll find yourself thinking, "Hey, that reminds me of so-and-so!" But you won't actually care. All character pairings/groupings, including the protagonist best friends, fail to exude a respectable amount of chemistry. In fact, I felt more likely to identify with Seth and Evan when they fought, than when they were bonding. The only exceptions to the lack of chemistry? Police partners, Officers Slater (Bill Hader) and Michaels; Michaels played by Superbad co-writer, Seth Rogen. In addition, this pair of cops make for the most amiable characters in the movie. Though often subject to arduous task of maintaining a suspension of belief in spite of overly outrageous, unbelievable behavior, they prove to be funny and likable.

In spite of the mediocre script, the movie is not without some extremely funny moments and some casual empathy towards the characters; these benefits are much attributed to the timing and performance of the actors. The acting in Superbad is not a tour de force by any means, but it still proves to be the most redeemable aspect of the movie. While no actor is particularly spectacular, the best performance probably comes from Jonah Hill as Seth. With a firm grasp on comedic timing and delivery, he makes the best of the writing given to him and is the source of the majority of the "laugh out loud" moments. Another mention goes to Emma Stone as Jules for her almost jarringly natural performance, starkly contrasting against the consistently affected acting of most of her co-stars. And on the topic of jarring contrasts, Michael Cera as Evan delivers a surprisingly subtle performance, an ambiguous foil to Hill's screen-grabbing Seth. Unfortunately, without the needed chemistry between Cera and Hill, Cera's performance seems unenthusiastic, or at best, inadvertently unimposing. And finally, the less said about the awkward and labored performance of Christopher Mintz-Plasse as Fogel "McLovin", the better.

Final impressions? I left this movie disappointed and I didn't even go into it with high expectations. The ending felt predictable with only a shallow attempt at closure. I left without feeling particularly entertained and debating if it had been worth the time spent seeing it. Even for free. Superbad enjoyed brief, almost accidental, moments of hilarity; but fell short as a whole. So, essentially, it wasn't as bad as Dungeons & Dragons (which kills more brain cells than a week of non-stop heavy drinking, but with less social value), but it doesn't even meet the standards of previous respectable Rogen film, The 40 Year Old Virgin. So, my suggestion? Save your money. Or if you HAVE to see it, at least be drunk.

I will state in the interest of fairness, Superbad does not fall in any of my preferred genres of movies. I dig surrealism, French New Wave, Kung Fu, film noir, foreign films, and pretty much any film by Jan Svankmajer. Without seeing the movie, one could certainly ascertain that Superbad does not even remotely identify with the above genres. However, that's the critic's right; to apply personal tastes to reviewing a movie. So, I disliked it, but if you really dig the generic teen comedy and love you some penis jokes, then this movie may be right up your alley.

I am like candy to them

2007-07-31T20:47:00.000-04:00

I garden. It's fun, it's calming, and it's a good source of fresh ingredients. And I love bunnies. They are adorable and often make me smile.
But those damn bunnies need to stop eating my garden.
Specifically, they are just going to town eating my sunflowers. I started with 5. Three got eaten within the first two weeks. This weekend, a rabbit ate one of my two remaining flowers that had already started to bloom.
Bunnies, I love you, but I must destroy you.
Stop eating my flowers. If you must, eat the nasturtium. It is plentiful and delicious. But stop eating the sunflowers that I have painstakingly grown from itty bitty seeds. It is not groovy.
I have one sunflower left, with 3 blossoms on it. I am praying the bunnies will have mercy on it.

On a different note, I have advance screening passes to Superbad and Stardust. I'm taking Yo to Superbad tomorrow night, but I'm still looking for a movie buddy for Stardust, August 7th, at Arundel Mills.
And there's a Dave and Buster's there, so you know, booze and Neil Gaiman movies make for good bonding.

Excellent music is afoot!

2007-07-31T06:29:00.000-04:00

For anyone in the Baltimore area, two extraordinarily awesome groups are playing at the Ottobar next week - Rasputina and My Brightest Diamond.
If you've yet to be exposed to these fabulous artists, just do a quick search on youtube. There are some great videos to help show the light.
August 8th. Ottobar. GO.

My GOD, that is the biggest spider I have ever seen.

2007-07-30T03:38:00.000-04:00

The weekend was RIDICULOUS. About a month ago, my friend Alan from the Silver Spring Moishe House (a social hub for Jewish 20-somethings) contacted me, asking me to prepare a meal for the LUV-themed dinner they were going to have. This is pretty ridiculous, as I am chronically single, run a community commonly known as the "Anti-Marriage Group", and have a tradition of writing violent and STD related haikus on Valentine's Day. But, it gave me the opportunity to cook an elaborate meal for a large group, so I agreed.
As is my way, I went absolutely NUTS planning it. However, the implementation was even crazier than my planning. After about 2 weeks of planning an extensive, aphrodisiac-themed meal, on Weds, I forwarded my shopping list to one of the house members to approve and buy. (The house receives a budget from the parent org to do these events.) I was planning to start cooking Thursday evening. However, due to a whole mess of... messes... I wasn't able to get my ingredients until Friday afternoon. (Let's just say someone at the house had dropped the ball on this one.) By the time I had made it back from the store, it was 3pm and I had until 8pm to cook.
You have never seen someone cook as fast as I did. Thankfully, I have experience cooking for large groups in short periods of time and I whipped up a cooking schedule. Towards the end, I had to cut a few dishes out, but no one starved, I can assure you that.

Aphrodisiac Dish Menu

Homemade Challah Bread
Spiced Grilled Veggies
Various salads provided by attendees
Swiss Potato Gratin
Casanova's Macaroni (Originally, it was going to be homemade gnocchi, but time made me switch the gnocchi to linguini)
Linguini with Pesto
Champagne Fruit Soup
Dark Chocolate Truffles
Cocayoa Truffles (Chili Truffles)

My only real regret was the dishes I had to cut. Saffron bread, fennel salad, onion soup, strawberry and spinach salad, champagne truffles, and chocolate dipped strawberries injected with liqueur. Not to mention, in addition to those, I had a dozen or so recipes waiting in the wings and another dozen drink recipes. On that note, I am happy to talk cooking, menus, and recipes with anyone interested.

My god, I love to cook.

Anyhow, the menu was well received and everyone was delicified, however no one seemed particularly amorous. I guess that's a strike against the aphrodisiac theory, but it was still fun.

Now I am in relaxation mode as I've finished my summer law class and the dinner. I have a good 3 or 4 weeks to relax before having to hit the books again, so I'll be relaxing HARD. A great deal of reading, gardening, and casual gaming is on the horizon. Not to mention some fun times with Yo and her little one and possibly some participation in the upcoming Baltimore Restaurant Week. Hoooooray!

Stay groovy kids!

I Wish I Could Quit You... but not really.

2007-07-26T06:02:00.000-04:00

I know I've been on a long hiatus* from this blog, but I'm gearing up to start again. Recent studies and activities have given me a brand new zeal for giving my opinion to anyone who will hear it.
Keep an eye out. Upcoming posts include coverage of my cooking exploits this weekend and my surprising anger involving federal overreaching.
Also, maybe monkeys. We'll see.

*hiatus= Sold out and switched over to LiveJournal for a bit.

Random Link #1

2005-10-21T02:33:00.000-04:00

As opposed to content...
A little nod to the esoterics in the house.
Monad Hieroglyph.

WWFSMD?

2005-10-11T19:24:00.000-04:00

Have you been touched by His noodly appendage?

A little surprising

2005-10-08T13:00:00.000-04:00

*waves* I've been gone a bit. Thanks to everyone who's kept up with me through email and IM. The truthe of the matter is, I haven't had much time. I have class, a show, a theatre group to run, Pride Alliance meetings, work three times a week, cooking, renfest, in the middle of writing a cookbook and two musicals, plus my meager remains of a social life and yeah, you can see where the time goes.
I know I've missed some pretty important political events, but I think you all didn't really lack any opinons on the matter in the blogosphere.
So, like any good overachiever, we're gonna try this again.
Ciao, kids.

Where the hell am I?

2005-08-31T23:32:00.000-04:00

I have received numerous emails and IMs asking about my recent hiatus. Here's the short answer:
I have a life outside of the blogosphere.
Between classes and events and personal projects and a rather unfortunate computer failure, I haven't been able to update as much as I'd like.
But I really do appreciate all the love that's been sent my way.
Therefore, I PROMISE, by next week, I will get y'all a quality post.
And regular updates will begin again.
Yee-ha!

PostSecret

2005-08-08T11:16:00.000-04:00

The one site everyone needs to see is PostSecret. People send a MD man postcards revealing their deepest secret that they've never told anyone. They range from being Mexican and hating Mexican food to masturbating all day to not loving their children to cheating on spouses and taxes. All are anonymous and all are displayed on their little 4x6 piece of art and every Sunday, he posts a few for the world to see.
At the end of reading them all?
You don't feel ashamed of your own secrets. You don't feel disgusted by others'.
You just feel a bit more human...
and that the strangers you pass on the street...
are a bit more human too.

I'm not kinky.

2005-08-03T22:05:00.000-04:00

Two notes:
First, I got a whip. HOORAY! Everytime I take it out, I feel like I need to wear a shirt that says "I'm not kinky" on it.

Two, there was a shooting behind my apartment building last night. Around midnight, this guy got shot in the ass. He's doing fine, but I'd lie if I said it wasn't somewhat disturbing.

Yes. Yes, I am.

2005-07-31T00:36:00.000-04:00

Me: So I can't decide if I should get both or a cheaper version of one or...
Brian: Jesus Christ!
Me: What?
Brian: Did you just take that wanton out of the frying pan with your bare hands?
Me: Er, yes... Why?
Brian: Dude! The sizzling oil?
Me: Doesn't bother me.
Brian: Are you not real? Are you a robot?

Jean Valkaga

2005-07-29T23:09:00.000-04:00

So... what do these have in common?

This is awesome. Apparently, Chairman Kaga from Iron Chef Japan was Jean Valjean in Japan's 1994 production of Les Miserables. Not only that, he was also Japan's first Tony in West Side Story.

*has such a crush*

Good Goumet

2005-07-29T11:26:00.000-04:00

I was asked by an awesome friend of mine to teach her to cook. This is in addittion to about 4 other people, so far. Therefore, the logical step for me is to teach a small cooking class.
And I am SO excited.
I think I'm going to do something simple, the first time around, like French Scrambled Eggs to see where the basic cooking skills are at. Then we'll start with Italian cuisine I guess- lasagna rolls, ravioli, then gnocchi. Maybe move on the Greek cuisine after that, then French after that. Do a class or two on Jewish cuisine and on Mid-Eastern.
I'm so excited to teach it. People need to learn, because I found out that you can't really assume someone has cooking skills. I figured it out after some certain someones had to be told the reason why we let water come to a boil FIRST before putting in the pasta and why raising the oven temperature has more consequence than "baking faster."
Yeah, I couldn't believe it either.

Fast Times in Belfast

2005-07-28T13:13:00.000-04:00

I'm sorry about the lack of posting, really, I am; but things have been exhausting here, further reminding me everyday of why I hate the damn summer courses so much.

Not much is happening here anyway. It's that time of year again where I start getting ready for the Maryland Renaissance Festival. That's right, I go to the Renfest. Not only that, I go repeatedly. I have a season pass, even. And if that weren't enough, I dress up! That's right, every weekend during fair season, I put on my corset and dress, drive an hour to Crownsville, and eat food on a stick.
And it's fine, you know why?

Because we're all allowed one quirk.

And of course, the gratuitous picture, me on the right, my darling friend Talia on the left-

On a related note, if anyone's interested in hitting the RenFest and wants company, drop me a line.

Actually, I was planning on posting about the end of the IRA's military campaign. But after that rant on the Renfest, I dunno, it seems sorta out of place. So I'll just sum up. The IRA said "Fine, we'll stop with the warfare. We'll use politics instead. That's way scarier."
Maybe certain places need to take example, hm?

A b-day quickie...

2005-07-25T01:18:00.000-04:00

The b-day weekend was awesome. The XX-Mafia girls and I had a kick ass time. Ilana got me a set of Rammekins and a kitchen torch. You know what that means.
Creme Brulee`.
Hot.

Anyhoos, thanks for all the birthday wishes. :-)

Updates and whatnot later, after I wake up. ;-)

They say it's your birthday.... Well, it's my birthday, too, yeah!

2005-07-21T14:28:00.000-04:00

Warning:
Shameless self-pimping ahead.

I'm not sure how much time I'll have to post this pre-friday, so I'll just post it now. This Friday, the 22nd, if you see this girl-

Tell her Happy Birthday and give her a big ol' hug, for it will be my birthday. :-D
What does this mean?
Another excuse to celebrate.
And possibly get rip-roaring drunk.
But we'll play that by ear.

Anyone who is going to be in the Bmore area, come by Artscape and see me and the posse. It'll be fun. And if you know you're gonna be downtown in the Artscape area, give me an email at cruelhazel@gmail.com. We'd love to hook up with y'all, maybe share some birthday cake. ;-)

So, in the meantime, I'm taking a weekend hiatus, so as to properly party my patootie off. I will see you all again on Monday!

Well, the WDC Express thinks so...

2005-07-21T09:54:00.000-04:00

Quick love to the darling boys over by CPMC for their mention in the Washington DC Express (PDF) today. Check out the Blog Log on page 25. The boys get a mention for their discussion on why people, especially men in suits and business attire, need to stop carrying backpacks, especially on the metro.
Take a look!

Something to do...

2005-07-21T01:29:00.000-04:00

Anyone who knows me knows I can't bear to have free time. Hence my newest and most time consuming project of them all:
The CP Agenda.

It started as a way to co-ordinate events in the College Park area so I would never have to hear "There's nothing to do tonight," ever again. Of course, once I started doing CP events, I had to branch out into DC... and nearby Maryland... And Virginia...
For now, it's pretty much a Yahoo! Group. I update the calendar with concerts and cultural events and everyone has a good time.
It's still in progress, updating the however many huge amounts of events the Smithsonian does takes time, but hopefully by the end of the month I'll have a pretty complete listing for the month ahead. For now, I have a pretty full listing for end of July through August, so go check it out. It's worth a look.

Miri Ben-Ari

2005-07-20T22:47:00.000-04:00

I have a HUGE crush and it's on Miri Ben-Ari. She's an Israeli hip-hop violinist and not only is she MAD talented, she's also MAD hot.
So, gratuitous pictures for the masses!

Return to your roots... and leafy greens, and cheeses, and breads...

2005-07-20T16:50:00.000-04:00

One of my major hobbies is cooking. Like serious style gourmet cooking. My mother was always a fantastic cook and I just took after her and being a vegetarian necessitated that I learn how. And now, my mother and I spend a good deal of our conversations exchanging menus and cooking tips. What really got me into gourmet cooking was when I first read Zingerman's Guide to Good Eating. It opened my eyes to a world of excellent food. I was hooked. I watch food network obssessively. Alton Brown, especially, has changed the way I cook forever. I have two of his books and his Kitchen User's Manual. I have a bookshelf dedicated to cookbooks. I scour the news for mentions of one of my favorite chefs, Wolfgang Puck. My fridge is always full of Greek and Italian ingredients. I've cooked meals for 50+ people by myself. I find Iron Chef more exhilerating than any sport.
And so help me, if you're a guy that cooks well, I'm all over you.
I take so much joy in cooking and it's helped me to develop a better appreciation for food and a better relationship to it.
Not to mention I developed a recipe for chocolate chip cookies that make men weak in the knees.

Which is why I'm so sad when fewer and fewer people really know how to cook.
Families are eating together less, parents have less time to cook with careers, kids are in the kitchen less, basic skills just aren't being passed down.
And I think it's a shame.
There are few things more rewarding than really preparing a delicious, flavorful meal for you and a loved one. For those who cook, you know what I mean. For those who don't, try it. Grab a 'foodie' friend and ask for a lesson. Learn something. Make something. Experience a joy you simply cannot get out of a can.

"The discovery of a new dish does more for the happiness of mankind than the discovery of a star."
- Brillat-Savarin

I'll miss you, Ms. O'Connor

2005-07-20T12:09:00.000-04:00

I liked Sandra Day O'Connor. I liked her a lot. I thought she was warm, fair, knowlegable, intelligent, and an all around good person. Plus, she was a skirt. I was sad when she decided to step down.
But now, I'm just angry.
Bush announced his candidate for the Supreme Court. Who? I'll give you a hint. White, male, conservative, Christian, and republican.
Oh, does that sound like most the men in power these days?
Anyhow, it's John Roberts.
I looked at the Washington Post's profile on him. I figured I should at least know something about him. I was never really happy about this choice becausee if he gets into the job, we can all kiss Roe vs. Wade goodbye. However, while looking through the profile, I saw this one piece at the end that kind of disturbed me. Not so much because it happenned, but because the Post somehow decided that of all the cases to mention, they wanted to mention this.
Let's read, shall we?

"As a judge on the D.C. Circuit, Roberts voted with two colleagues to uphold the arrest and detention of a 12-year-old girl for eating french fries on the Metro train,"

I mean, honestly, it wasn't like they were crack-fries. But I digress. Make your own assumptions.

Forget reaching for the stars... Step on them!

2005-07-19T21:41:00.000-04:00

I was reading Johnny DC's blog and he mentioned Life Aquatic which reminded me of the time I met Bill Murray. I was at a Cirque Du Soleil show in NY, celebrating the birthday of one of my best friend's (and future flatmate's), Margo. (As a side note, CdS makes me all tingly in my naughty parts, I love it so much.) Anyhoos, we were about to leave and as per my tradition, I was gonna buy a program as a souvenir.
WELL, I walk up to the stand in a bit of a rush as not to hold the party up and accidentally step on the foot of this guy. I look up to apologize and lo and behold, it was Bill Murray. As a side note, that man has NOT aged well.
Anyhow, aside from my foot assault, it stops being interesting there. I don't gush, just make small talk, like "Did you enjoy the show?" while we waited for our stuff and then walked off.
And that was my story in all it's anti-climatic glory.

Also, two plugs.
One, for a blog. Most blogs I want to plug, I just slip them into the post somewhere. However, this woman's blog, in just the mere week she's been writing, is far more interesting, witty, and enjoyable than most blogs I have ever read, bless her heart. GO, check out Chase-ing Random Thoughts. Not only is her writing style, littered with pictures and points absolutely fabulous, she as a person, or at least, from the amounts I have picked up from her blog and bio, is so so so cool. Anyone who watches Food Network and Family Guy is A-OK in my book.

A second plug- Foucalt's Pendulum. If you read the Da Vinci Code and found it interesting, but not challenging, go read this book by Umberto Eco. It's vocabulary far exceeds Dan Brown's work as well as the writing style. It's witty, intelligent, and mad interesting. Go for it.

What could've been...

2005-07-18T22:36:00.000-04:00

I wrote a post. A GREAT post, explaining why it doesn't bother me to pay $4 for a cup of Starbuck's coffee, in response to a recent post on the DC Bachelors blog. It was a good post. It was an amusing post.
But my computer went off and got PMS and crashed on me.
And now?
I'm too lazy to retype it.
SO, I'm just gonna summarize. I can make my own coffee. I enjoy making my own coffee. I can make damn good coffee. I can even make decent emulations of the frou frou drinks, like frapps or caramel latte`s. However, at the end of the day, I'm usually lazy enough to want someone to do it for me and none of my friends really possess those skills. $4 drinks are not for the day old, black coffees, though. $4 goes for getting me out of my apartment, chilling in the pleasing decor, the frou frou coffee drinks that are far more convenient for them to make than me having to drag out my blender and whatnot.
And why Starbucks and not another coffeehouse?
I do go to other coffee houses. College Perk, the closes non-Starbucks cafe` to me, is a great place and I ADORE it. However, there are two Starbucks between me and College Perk and sometimes, I don't feel like fighting the Rt. 1 traffic when I can walk a block to get to a Starbucks.

My favorite is when smokers ask me if I feel bad spending all that money of coffee. I guarantee you, I spend less on coffee than the average smoker spends on tobacco.

And I'm still allowed to drink coffee in bars.

Quickie

2005-07-16T01:47:00.000-04:00

Too tired to really write much, but I gotta get this off my chest.
Rove is an asshole and Novak is a douchebag.
'Nuff said.

Sufi Fusion ROCKS

2005-07-14T21:42:00.000-04:00

Real quick post tonight.
I caught the tail end of the Niyaz concert at the Smithsonian tonight with my friend Alan. It was AWESOME. If Niyaz plays in your area any time soon, I beg you to go see them. They're fabulous. The music is beautiful and soulful while vocalist Azam Ali has a haunting, gorgeous voice. Plus, she is MAD hot.
So, check 'em out.
*dances off*

I'm part lesbian!

2005-07-13T12:02:00.000-04:00

I built shelves yesterday. I built them in a space barely larger than the shelves themself. I did it by myself, because I, as a bisexual, am part lesbian. I was very proud.

I still have one more set of shelves to build for the common room, but I have faith in me.

You may notice that posting may become sparser, or more half-assed than usual. Don't be alarmed.
For one, I have class in the summer, so I'm busy being studious.
And two, I'm wroking on a new project. Hopefully, I plan to announce it here on the 21st and it will debut for the 23rd.
I promise you'll like it, especially all you DC dwellers.

In the meantime, I can't leave you all without some bit of news, so here goes-

State wants to weed out marijuana-flavor candy

Have fun.

A Divine Deviation

2005-07-12T00:26:00.000-04:00

I'm not in the habit of posting my creative writing pieces or religious material... but I did this piece recently in a slam and it was fun... so enjoy the deviation.

A Letter from the Guys Who Created Religion

((As performed at an open mic))

I got a letter the other day
from the guys who created religion.
Yeah, I didn't know about them either,
but they sounded legit.
Anyways, apparently there's been some misunderstandings
And they heard there was a show tonight
And they wanted me to read this.
So, just give me a second to get this out here...
Here we go, now. Listen up.
"To... well,... everyone-
Hey. What's up? How is the weather..."
It goes on like that for a bit.
Let me skip ahead a little...
Here we go.
"Sorry you haven't heard from us in a while,
But it seems like something went wrong,
So, we guessed we'd try to clear it all up.
We're the guys who created religion.
Yeah, Man created religion.
It makes sense though, right?
What does God need religion for?
Religion is for Man.
Why shouldn't it be created by Man?
But we digress.
We're the guys who created religion.
All religion.
Because really, it all started out as one religion.
What happenned was, we looked around and realized
Man needed something to believe in.
Nothing too fancy,
but something.
So, we introduced God.
(Oh, we should state here, by the way,
when we started all of this,
God was a woman.
Not like in an Alanis Morisette in Dogma sort of way,
more like a Mawu Mother-Goddess figure.)
Anyways,
when we created religion,
it was simple.
There was a God.
and God loved you.
Not so much like a father,
because sometimes they can be distant and disciplinarian, right?
More like a mother,
and not one of those nagging ones, either,
more like one of those 50's Beaver Cleaver mothers
with lemonade and cookies
and endless love and support.
And you know, that was God,
endless love and support.
If you ever felt alone
or depressed,
you knew that God loved you
and everything was good.
It all worked out great.
God loved Man
and all Man had to do
was to love Man also.
It was a great system.
But we hadn't anticipated
what would happen after a while.
Somewhere along the line,
this idea of endless unconditional love
turned into the Crusades,
Jihad,
White Supremecy,
Terrorism,
Wars,
Massacres,
and Jerry Falwell.
All this shit
carried out in the name of God,
a God of endless unconditional love.
So, obviously, something went very very wrong along the way.
We don't want to preach,
another thing we never intended, by the way,
we just wanted to clear things up.
When we created religion,
it was simple.
God loved Man
and all God wanted
was for Man to love Man.
Everything else had nothing to do wth us.
Especially Jerry Falwell.
And we're not telling you how
or what
to believe.
We're just saying,
that's the way it used to be
and it was a GREAT system.
Peace,
The Guys Who Created Religion"
And that's where it ends.

It did sound like a great system, didn't it?

Where's the Beef?

2005-07-08T11:16:00.000-04:00

A brand new development in food science is bound to change the vegetarian world forever:
Synthetic meat.

I'm not talking tofu, here. I'm talking actual meat cells grown in vitro. Taking a single animal cell and reproducing it over and over to produce meat. It's already been proven possible. Engineers at NASA have already managed to grow small amounts of meat to be used as food for space-travel. The question of how to mass produce this lab meat is what is being worked on now. The meat not only needs to be grown, but needs to be stretched like a live animal would to develop the same texture. Using in vitro meat alleviates such problems as the health, environmental, and animal suffering issues currently associated wit the meat industry and eating meat.

The brings a whole new issue to light for vegetarians. Will we eat this test-tube cow? I'd imagine that Vegans certainly wouldn't, as this is obviously a by-product of a real animal. However, for those vegetarians among us who aren't so hardcore, will we eat it? I can only speak for myself on this issue, but here's how it would roll for me. If it got down to the point where meat can be made using very few cells from the actual animal, and the extraction did not kill the animal or cause it large amounts of pain; I would eat it. This is because it fits in with the reason I am a vegetarian.
(For those, unaware, my main reason for vegetarianism is the fact that we have enough advances in food development and soy processing that we no longer need to eat natural meat. With the advances of soy product, it is no longer worth the ecological, environmental, and animal rights damage that comes with eating natural meat.)

The meat eaters out there are bound to ask, "Why should I switch over?" The advantages of in vitro meat are numerous. For instance, because it's lab grown, the nutrients in the meat can be controlled. Example? The fatty acid Omega 3, known to cause high cholesterol and other health problems, can be replaced with Omega 6, a healthy fat. Another plus is the fact that growth hormones and other drugs used in the development in natural meat would not be needed in in vitro meat.

So, in conclusion?

Cruel Hazel is in favor of beaker beef and lab lamb.

Stewart Loves... Stewart?

2005-07-05T22:42:00.000-04:00

First, an apology for not posting for a bit. I was busy bowing to the Academic Gods. For the record, probability is "teh sux0rz." To make it up to all y'all, I'm extending an invitation to my readers. July 22 is Cruel Hazel's birthday. To celebrate, the posse and I will be hitting our yearly outing, the ARTSCAPE festival in downtown Baltimore. It's a kickass festival that runs Friday through Sunday in downtown B-more in Mt Royal. There's art exhibits, vendors, food, shows, demonstrations, people, a short-film marathon by the Maryland Film Festival, the whole shebang.
My crew will be getting there around noon, when the festival starts and we'll designate a meet-up point for anyone who wants to frolic around the festival with us. I'll post the time and place a little closer to the fest here in the blog. Anyone who needs info, do email me at cruelhazel@gmail.com. We're a friendly group, we loves the peoples, we promise.

Anyhow, on to other business...

Martha Stewart recently talked to Vanity Magazine about her jail sentence. She claimed that her nickname in jail was M. Diddy. I know when I think of Martha Stewart, I think of black male rappers. She described lockdown as "hideous."
Apparently, prison facilities do not quite live up the standards of her Bedford mansion.
Cry me a river, M. Diddy.

A gem in the article was when Stewart talks about her ankle bracelet, saying:

"I watched them put it on. You can figure out how to get it off," she is quoted as saying. "It's on the Internet. I looked it up."

Her publicist's eyes "widened with alarm" when Stewart made the remark.

On a side note, Martha only took off the bracelet to do some custom embroidery and add a silk lining. She will be featuring her project on her next episode of her TV show, as well as showing the importance of window treatments in cell rooms and tea time with fellow inmates.

She also made mention of her new show, similar to Trump's "Apprentice.":

She says her version of "The Apprentice" will be different than Donald Trump's and that she doesn't want to be portrayed as mean and harsh. She says she would never use Trump's catchphrase, "You're fired."

"We are trying to come up with other ways to say it," she says. "For instance, if someone is from Idaho, I could say, `You're back in Boise for apple-picking time.'"

I'm not even going to comment on that.

Particularly amusing is her comment on Jon Stewart of the Daily Show. She makes reference to being aware of the jokes made at her expense with no hard feelings. In fact, she states that he is "even better looking in person than on TV" and has "such a crush on him."
All I'se gotta say is,
Step down, bitch.
I called dibs on him already.

Mad Vegetarian Disease

2005-06-25T17:36:00.000-04:00

New Incidents of Mad Cow Disease

*dances* I'm a vegetarian! I'm a vegetarian!

Be-yotches!

TV Commercial Spots Sell Out - Indie Style!

2005-06-24T13:08:00.000-04:00

"In the past, a song on a commercial made you a sell-out, but now because the cool indie rock bands are doing it, it's opened it up for everyone,"

The basic idea is, more tv advertisements are using actual pop/rock/whatever music off of pre-existing CD's by both mainstream and indie artists as opposed to using original music that's just a glorified jingle. They say it boosts familiarity, reaches younger audiences, and packs an emotional punch. It also does a solid for indie artists featured because they suddennly enjoy loads of popularity if the commercial does well. It also makes me hate ads just a little less.
I still find it amusing that Chris Milk, a TV commercial and music video director, said the quote above. However, his words about fearing to look like a sellout are greatly diminished, being that he said it from his industry's get-together in SOUTHERN FRANCE.
Posh enough, Milk?

And yet, still I wonder...
What it would take to get Lesbian Pirates a spot on an ad?

Drunken Chefs

2005-06-24T02:41:00.000-04:00

I love Iron Chef.

I also love booze.

Therefore, it's clear that I love the Iron Chef Drinking Game.

Satch and I just found our new pasttime.

Yadda yadda

2005-06-22T23:19:00.000-04:00

I wanted to write something today. Honestly, I did. Something meaningful. Something profound.

It's a shame you'll just be getting more bullshit instead.*

Actually, topic of the day is Brillat-Savarin, the French epicure. He was brilliant, plus he had a great sense of humor.
When I first started cooking, I started with recipes. I learned how to cook recipes. Then I started studying the masterful art of Alton Brown and learned how to cook. And since then, I have started reading the works of Brillat-Savarin and learned why we cook. I recently read his The Physiology of Taste. His philosophies on food are practical, philosophical, witty, and refreshing. If nothing else, I suggest you glance at his aphorisms.
Go ahead, it won't hurt you.

*for those interested in less bullshitty stuff, I suggest reading my Lesbian Pirates post or my Anti-V-day post.

Lincoln, Meat, and Saints

2005-06-18T17:39:00.000-04:00

I love weird art. I do.
And very little is as weird as Mark Ryden's work.
His impressive blend of cartoon and realism combines with a seemingly drug-induced surrealism to showcase a mind-boggling display of commentary on pop culture, religion, politics, and the human psyche.
It's just a lot of big words to say "Real freaky, but real good."

Go check it out.

Freud's Teddy Bear

2005-06-17T23:17:00.000-04:00

Have you ever wanted to psycho-analyze mentally disturbed stuffed animals?
I know I have.
It's a fairly long game and it takes a minute or two to understand, but in the end, it's really really interesting.
The best part is, you can buy the animals afterwards.

Fortunate Cookies

2005-06-16T00:49:00.000-04:00

"Ignore previous cookie."
-My fortune cookie from tonight

Libertarian Love

2005-06-09T01:48:00.000-04:00

Also- Jim Lecszynski does NOT represent me as a Libertarian. There are subtle differences between us. Such as the fact that I'm not an ignorant, insensitive douchebag.

Just wanted to clear that up.

Daily Love

2005-06-09T01:40:00.000-04:00

Colin Powell on the Daily Show?

Both awkward and beautiful.

Goddammit, I LOVE Jon Stewart. Him getting good guests just makes my day.

When the Ring Doesn't Fit

2005-05-31T22:57:00.000-04:00

A link to make you think....

An article about the ever-rising ranks of "never-marrieds."

A rank I will probably spend most, if not all, my days in.

When the Ring Doesn't Fit.

MarioWorld News

2005-05-25T01:55:00.000-04:00

Mushroom Kingdom, MarioWorld- Princess Peach, daughter of Mushroom Kingdom ruler King Toadstool has been kidnapped today. The culprit has been identified as King Bowser of the Koopa family. The reason for the kidnapping is not apparent, witnesses only describe the reptilian villain as "a real meanie." When asked on whether he will put forth his own Royal Guard or if he will ask for the assistance of such allies as the United States Special Ops or the British Armed Guard to help recover his daughter, the heir to the throne, the King replied, "It's cool. I already called the plumber."

La Double Vie de Cruel Hazel

2005-05-19T01:15:00.000-04:00

For those who are curious, I do have a blog outside of this one. A new one that a friend and I started to catalogue the crazy going-ons of the College Park Posse.
Curious?
Want to read about Jello-Shot cake?
Visit High Seas Munching.

Ginormous!

2005-05-17T01:10:00.000-04:00

For YEARS, I have advocated the use of the word "ginormous."
Finally, some recognition.

I anxiously await the mainstream acceptence of "fantabulous" and "qewish" as well.
~CH

***UPDATE***
It has come to my attention that "fantabulous" is in the dictionary.

So I replace that suggestion with "chillax."

Chivalry is NOT Dead

2005-05-13T23:41:00.000-04:00

This is quick and simple. I was reading DC Bachelor, what with how it amuses me so, (he's sensible and he cooks. Hallelujah!), and I finally clicked on the link to the Cleveland Park Men's Club blog. If you are male, especially if you are still on the dating scene, GO VISIT. It is the smartest thing you will ever damn well do. They go from the ground up on how to behave around women. And as much as most guys like to assume that they don't have to do anything 'chivalrous', what with the permeation of feminism into society, I got news for you, most girls will KILL for a guy who will open the door for women and will walk on the correct side of the sidewalk. Having a sense of gentlemanliness and grace is almost a lost art and I will be delighted if CPMC manages to bring it back.
I miss classy guys, dammit.
So go! GO! GO! GO!
-CH

Best Apartment EVER

2005-05-12T11:27:00.000-04:00

Thanks to everyone's support of Lesbian Pirates. I'll announce when production starts. :-)

I just wanted to drop a quick note to state, starting this August, I will have the BEST APARTMENT EVER. I'll be living with three of my chillest, best friends. And everyone is welcome to come hang at our place, as there will be constant free food, bellydancing, good music, great people, and a leopard gecko named Hedwig Hedberg.
Kick ass.

Let me introduce you to the peeps of 6208 next year.

Clockwise, starting from upper-left corner: Toby, Me, Ilana, and Margo.
Ilana's photo looks way better than ours because it's her scanned headshot, back from the acting days.

We like to joke that we'll have the artsiest apartment ever. Toby is a dancer. Margo is a skilled art major. Ilana practically runs a theatre group. I study classical voice and play a few instruments. Dance. Art. Theatre. Music.
But we overlap, which makes us supercool.
Ilana and I both act.
Margo, Toby, and I study bellydancing.
Margo and I both do art.
Margo and Toby both do theatre tech. (Set design and Stage managing, respectively.)
Margo and I have attended Safe Zone Programs and Feminist parties together.
I cook, Toby is eager to learn, and Margo and Ilana are eager to eat our cooking.

Damn, we are cool.

More on our misadventures soon to come.

Lesbian Pirates!

2005-05-09T00:37:00.000-04:00

I figured it out. I'm finally going to become a cult classic. I'm going to start a small music group called "Lesbian Pirates." The name alone buys me an entire demographic of yuppies. And the songs practically write themselves:

1) The Vagina Song - The words go like this, "Vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina vagina... puuuusssssy!"

2) Yuppies Will Buy Anything - "Sell some tequila past it's prime/ And call it Ethnic Turpentine./ Put some chummus in their hair/ And call it Mid-Eastern beauty care/ Because yuppies will buy anything..."

3) They Won't Let Me Into Sororities- "What it comes down to in the end,/ I don't need to join a club to make friends."

4) Coffee Is Hot- "Strong, bold, rich;/ Just the way I like you./Hot, dark, fluid;/ As I touch my lips to you./ My first desire in the morning/ My last taste at night."

5) White Boys Are White Bread- "I guess it's because they've become a bore/ but white boys don't arouse me anymore."

6) Tap Rob's Ass- "Doesn't matter the time or season/ You don't need any rhyme or reason/ Just bring it hard and bring it fast/ Ladies, you know you wanna tap Rob's ass."

7) Good Bi Love- "I loves the cock, I admit it's true,/ But damn! I love the vagina too!"

8) Nekkie- (Spoken word against a 8 chord progression) "I'm thinking about you naked."

:-D
-CH

**UPDATE 05/09 5:05**
I think I'm going to do a song entitled "I'll Get You A Sandwich When YOU Fix My Damn Car."

**UPDATE 05/20 **
More Songs to add to the list:
-Bibamus, Moriendum Est
-Just Because You Watch Anime, It Doesn't Make You Japanese
-Catgirls
-Fat Chicks Need Love, Too
-Geek Girl

How CH picks her topic and more Queer issues...

2005-05-05T13:03:00.000-04:00

Listen, I'm not gonna lie about how my posts get written up. I get bored, I hit yahoo.com, and I check the news headlines. I look at them until something jumps out at me and I say, "I bet I could pull out enough shit about that topic to justify a post." And then I process it, add my secret blend of herbs and spices and pass the savings on to you, the reader.

So, today's topic is more on Queer issues. Recently, a march was held at Independence Hall to honor the 40th anniversary of one of the earliest, if not the first, Gay Rights protests. Of course, some whiney Christian Conservative group had to get pissy about it. Enter 'Focus on Family,' a group that opposes gays based on scripture.
Listen, I disagree. I certainly understand where they are getting their "source" from, but I disagree. And I will talk more about that in a future post. You can count on it.
However, this post has to do with the statement made by Focus' Director of Public Policy, Thomas Minnery:
"There are thousands of people who have left homosexuality, including some on our staff. To say that one is born that way obviously flies in the face of facts."

Listen, I got no interest in arguing whether same-sex attraction is nurture or nature. In either case, the end result is, you're gay. Period. But the real statement I want to make here is:
Nurture or Nature, it's still not a CHOICE.
No one CHOOSES to be gay. No one chooses to enter a lifestyle filled with persecution and fear. I think a lot of people are under-exposed to the constant discrimination that the LGBTQ community faces every day. No one chooses a lifestyle where their marriages are questionable, where they can't adopt children, where their very moral fabric is under constant scrutiny.

The idea that people "leave" being gay begs the question "Are they simply repressed?" Are they so tired of being told they're going to hell, that they're child-molesters, that they are second-class citizens, that they cannot feel love the way that other straight people can, that makes them want to repress their own desires for a shot at acceptance?

Cruel Hazel says that's an issue to think about.

Interactive Post #1

2005-05-04T23:35:00.000-04:00

Step 1: Look at the following 2 links:

US Can't Account for $100 million of spending in Iraq

Cost of War.com

Step 2: Repress that nauseous feeling you have.

Step 3: Write your own damn post.

The Most Ghetto Rigging of Them All

2005-05-03T10:52:00.000-04:00

So every now and then, I feel like I should get a chance to post stuff about my own life that isn't necessarily socio-political.
Why?
Because it's my blog.
Ha.

Anyhow, for anyone in the DC/College Park area, my alternative/experimental/low-budget theatre group, Weekday Players, is doing Rumours by Neil Simon in Tawes. May 4th and 5th. 7:30. See the link for details.
Anyhow, I'm taking a break from acting in this show, spare the one voice cameo at the end, and instead, I'm stage managing with my favoritest flatmate of them all, Toby.

So, some of the stuff I do is help put up the scenery. We're a low/no budget group, so we borrow flats from high schools and redo them. Cheap, but not exactly quality work. We don't have money or time really for GOOD supports and braces. Just enough to keep the flat standing. If that.
Well, we had this one flat that kept falling forward every time someone opened the door. Solution?
My patented "ghetto-rigging."

(Yes, that's MY Jew-Nose you see in the edge there)

Essentially, it's twine around the door frame attatched to the wall. The finished ghetto-rigging is much sturdier and thicker looking than in the above picture of me just STARTING the ghetto-rigging. Perhaps a picture of it later. Anyhow, that flat isn't going to be falling ANYWHERE anytime soon.
Hardcore.

Shredding Shrek

2005-05-03T02:07:00.000-04:00

I liked Shrek. I liked Shrek II. I still like them. I think they're witty and well-done.Both movies did well, I was excited for them and that was that.
But apparently, it wasn't enough for them.
E! Online has reported that they're making ANOTHER Shrek movie, Shrek III. I don't know much about this movie, all I know is in addition to many of the original voices, they're using Justin Timberlake as the voice of a young prince Arthur.
And I have one thing to say.

Stop.
Stop it right now.
Please, please, PLEASE, oh dear god, stop.

This is not a good idea.

It's risky enough making a third movie, but you're going to stoop to using a teenybopper idol, too?

It's a bad idea, a really bad idea.

Dreamworks,
PLEASE, don't ruin Shrek. Don't do this. Use that money to make another creative piece that you are SO good at. Stop beating the horse. It's dead.

~CH

Dating Tips, Part One

2005-04-28T23:14:00.000-04:00

Just because it came up recently...

A couple tips for your first date from a date I went on a few years back.
1) Do not wait until you have pulled into the parking lot of the place you want to take the girl to ask her. Even a 30 minute advance warning is worth it.
2) Don't bring your little sister.
3) Do not bring your date back to your place toshow your date nude sketches of little Japanese schoolgirls.

Word.

MD FIlm Fest Plug

2005-04-28T01:50:00.000-04:00

Happy Passover to all my Tribe members out there.

A bit of a plug today.

I firmly believe in art. Art of all sorts. But films rate pretty high on my list. They're fun and enlightening, if sone right, that is. And no one does so many as right as the MD Film Festival. If you're going to be in the MD area anytime during May 5-8, GO TO THE FEST. Hopefully, I'll be there volunteering and you can spot me and give some love. I looked at their schedule and they have some great shit showing this year. This is not the crappy film festival of your college. They show quality, intellectual, fantastic films. It's just a fun place to be ni general. Everyone should attend a film festival of this caliber at least once, especially if your don't have the resources to get to, say, Sundance. ;-)

So, yes, go to the MD Film Fest. Charles Theatre in Baltimore. Click the link above and check out the scheduling and related info.

And while you're there, check out the rest of Baltimore. They call it Charm City for a reason.

Loose Ends...

2005-04-22T02:29:00.000-04:00

I was gonna talk about Queer issues. I don't know why, it just happens to be my topic of the moment. But I want to get this out.
I know a new Pope was instated. It's pretty big event. I wanted to say something about it. Honestly, I did. But I'm not going to. You know why?
Because I have nothing to say.
I'm Jewish. The only way this really involves me is his relations with Jews and Israel. And as of now, he doesn't really seem to have a solid policy on any of that yet. So when he does, I'll post. Until then, all you crazy Catholics have fun.
You can still do that, right?
~CH

Making A Safe Zone From A Red Zone

2005-04-19T19:19:00.000-04:00

So, last night the Hillel here held a Safe Zone program. (Congrats to Josh Rabin for that, btw.) I think it was due time for that program, too. The Safe Zone Program deals with learning to make a place more accepting toward the LGBTQ community. I'm not saying that the Hillel here is a hotbed of anti-gay activity. However, I am saying that it was about time that the issue was addressed. We had a good turnout for it, about 60 people from ALL backgrounds. It was a short program, not everything that really needed to be addressed was able to be brought up. We could really do well with a follow-up program, to tie up the loose ends an whatnot.
Anyhow, one statement at the program really stuck out at me, filling with both disappointment and great hope. At the end, we discussed the current climate at Hillel and ways to improve it. One member spoke up and said "I thought I was going to say something that was really good about us, but I'm starting to think that's it's really not. I was going to talk about how we had this solid 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' thing going on here."
And that was disturbing. That was WHY we needed a Safe Zone program at Hillel. The fact that people aren't comfortable enough to come out in Hillel. This "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy indicates that people on both sides are fiercely uncomfortable with the acceptance climate at the Hillel here. The "Q Jews," as we've affectionately named ourselves, should not have to hide in the Hillel like some dirty secret. LGBTQ or not, we're Jews and we deserve the same love, respect, and openness that straight Jews enjoy.
However, as disturbing as the comment was, it was also a bit hopeful. At least he realized that what he thought was a good policy, wasn't. At least he realized something was wrong.

So, the short summary? We aren't there yet, but at least we're going to start trying.

~CH

Veggie Madness

2005-04-19T00:30:00.000-04:00

Stop making fun of vegetarians.

Really, I'm serious. Stop. It's old. It's stupid. It's ignorant.

Vegetarians have made a socially and enviromentally conscious decision to refrain from eating meat. I cannot understand for the life of me why that pisses people off so much. To refrain from eating animals because of compassion or morals or ecological or health reasons is not "wussy."

If you're going to complain about some of the zealots out there who overly preach their posititon, then you should be bitching about their overbearing personality. Most vegetarians are well-balanced, intelligent people.

I'm tired of people waving meat in my face and teasing me. I'm tired of having to defend my life choices at every turnpoint.

I'm tired of hearing about meat being a "man food." I'm tired of being called a "tree-hugging, communist, hippie." I'm tired of people trying to tell me about the "food chain."

I don't whine about you eating meat, so stop your pansy-ass whining at me.

If you wanna bitch, go bitch at the homophobes or the conservatives.

Assholes.

~CH

The Return and Belated Forced Love Day

2005-02-22T00:54:00.000-05:00

Alright. I'm back from my little hiatus. Thanks to the outpouring of support from my regulars during my "medical journeys." I'm starting to feel much better, so the angst will return!
Funny how that works.
Anyhow! We're already a week past the infamous Valentine's Day... but I'm still gonna talk about it because who's gonna stop me? You? HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA!
People's opinions on V-day tend to be fairly bipolar. You either love it or hate it. Not sure which you are? Here's a quick quiz. On Valentine's day do you:
A) Wear ONLY white, red, and pink; make pink, sparkly, heart-shaped construction paper boxes filled with candy to give to your loved ones; and cook a special, candle-light, filet mignon dinner for your sweetie?
B) Dress up like a pirate, complete with bandana, eye-patch, and sword; spend the day switching couples' candies with Bittersweets and laughing hysterically at the results; and slashing pictures of your exes and setting them on fire on a toy sailboat down your university's lawn fountain, like some twisted Viking funeral pyre?

If you picked A, you're a V-day fan. If you picked B, you're not a fan. And you were probably spending the day with me that day..

However, tonight's post isn't really addressing you Type A kids, though feel free to stick around. You just may enjoy it. I'm speaking more towards the angst ridden Type B kiddos. It's easy to be bitter on Valentine's Day. It is. It's true. It's trendy and acceptable. It's easy to pass Valentine's Day off as a Hallmark Holiday, a crass consumerist money-trap, an all around painful day to be single. Cruel Hazel knows, kids. Cruel Hazel did not receive ANY valentines, save one from a close female friend. And Cruel Hazel got pissed because there were certain menfolk out there who SHOULD have gotten their acts TOGETHER and at least sent an email or a phone call or SOMETHING. But this isn't about me and it's not about my bitterness. Not directly, anyway. This post isn't about anger. It's not about sexual frustration.
This post is about the TRUE meaning of Valentine's Day.
And the TRUE meaning is:
*drumroll*

Valentine's Day is what you make it.

At the risk of sounding like an after-school special, it's the truth. Let me explain why before you explode from the saccharine sentiments. Valentine's Day didn't start out the way we celebrate it now. Without getting into details (maybe next year, kids), the holiday started out in 5th century Rome as a pagan holiday where men would draw the names of young women to be their sexual partners for the year. Naturally, when the Church moved in, they HAD to do away with the fun. So, the names of young women became the names of Saints that the men would try to emulate that year. Slightly less sexy, yes? Well, the Church had to find something to keep it palatable to the peasants, so they picked what they thought to be a suitable saint for the day, St. Valentine. Valentine secretly married young couples in the time of Claudius, an emperor who believed married men made bad soldiers and hence banned marriage. Claudius orders the beheading of Valentine and right before the future saint gets the axe, he sends his secret love a last note, signing it "From Your Valentine." Hence the tradition of sending 'valentines.' So, from the pagan holiday celebrating young men's right of passage to Lupercus to a consumer-driven holidays for lovers, Valentine's Day has taken many forms and has meant many things.
So, what's the point of the little history lesson?

Valentine's Day is TRULY what you make it. Valentine's Day may not have started out as a day for lovers, but we've evolved it into such. A day has no inherent meaning, it only has the meaning that we give it. So when the masses assign February 14th as a day celebrating love, it becomes that day. So it's pretty futile to fight against a mass assigned meaning of the day. By opposing the meaning, you're only affirming its existence. Rather, to properly combat the day, we should work to change its meaning.

So fuck off on trying to sabotage Valentine's Day for others. It's not worth it. Find your own meaning for Valentine's Day and help make the change.

Happy Belated Singles Awareness Day.

~CH

Just a little.

2004-12-09T12:43:00.000-05:00

I now have MySpace. I'm a sellout.

Sorry.

ABORT GOVERNMENT! GO! GO! GO!

2004-12-03T00:09:00.000-05:00

Right. Tom Ridge, the head of Homeland Security, has just resigned from Bush's cabinet, making him the SEVENTH Bush Cabinet member to resign, following other notables such as Attorney General John Ashcroft, Commerce Secretary Don Evans, Secretary of State Colin Powell, and Education Secretary Rod Paige.

Listen, these are major positions. POWELL. ASHCROFT. They're both bailing out. Does this worry the shit out of anyone else?

I'm just saying, if I see the bomb squad start running, then I'm sure as hell not gonna stick around.

Right Wing Eye

2004-12-01T01:22:00.000-05:00

Cruel Hazel's back from Thanksgiving break!

....And going straight into finals week.

Updates will be a bit sparse until finals are over, kiddos.

But for now, check out Right Wing Eye, a parody of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. It was originally done as an ad for the March for Women's Lives in April '04. That was a hell of a rally.

Go ahead, look.

I'll be here.

Working on my 9 page Political Humor Analysis.

*sigh*

-CH

Turkey Day

2004-11-25T02:53:00.000-05:00

Happy Turkey Day, everyone!
Due to Thanksgiving, Cruel Hazel will be on break until Monday.
Maybe.
Like if something really interesting happens.
But don't rely on it.
So go eat your turkey.
Or not.

GO!

-CH

Fag Hag

2004-11-23T20:15:00.000-05:00

I am a fag hag. I am a HELL of a fag hag. If fag hagging was a profession, I'd be pulling in a six digit salary.
For those of you unaware, a fag hag is pretty much a girl who hangs out with gay boys way too much. I LOVE being a fag hag. Why? There are so so so many reasons.
For instance, there's no pressure or tension in the gay man/fag hag relationship. In most straight guy/ girl friendships, there's always some sort of sexual tension on at least one of the sides. In most girl/girl frienships, there's always an element of competitiveness, of cattiness. In the gay man/fag hag relationship, there's no sexual tension and there's no competitiveness because you're not trying to impress the same people.
I personally love being a fag hag for one reason, though.
I get to hang out with a bunch of pretty boys all day. They aren't attracted to me, but it's ok because it's NOT MY FAULT! They're gay!
Hooray!

United Theocracy of America

2004-11-21T20:42:00.000-05:00

A lot of assumptions are made involving a lot of my personal views. For instance, my stance on abortion and gay marriage. People are quick to say, "Oh, you believe what you believe because you're a liberal."
Not really.
I'm a liberal BECAUSE I believe what I believe.
I know I've discussed my views on abortion and gay marriage before, but indulge me once again.
People are quick to say "Oh, you're a liberal, non-Catholic woman, of course you're pro-choice." or moreso "Oh, you're bi, of course you're pro-gay marriage."
But if you've been reading carefully, you'd notice my standpoint is slightly different than the typical libertarian. I'm not "pro-abortion," but I am "pro-choice." I'm pro-gay marriage because I'm not pro-any marriage. (See "Ban Marriage" 11/11/04.) I don't hold these views because I'm a liberal, I hold them because I believe in one thing more than anything else in law.
The separation of Church and State.
The entire pro-life stance is a based on the Catholic standpoint that life begins at conception. The anti-gay marriage standpoint, and a great deal of anti-gay standpoints, is based on Christian or hyper-religious standpoints. We are granted freedom of religion here in the states, but we are also granted freedom FROM religion. We must fight against the eventually evolution of our country into a veritable Christian theocracy, even more of a threat under the Bush administration.

I don't believe what I believe because of my own beliefs, I believe them because I believe the beliefs are my OWN.
And my own, alone.

Has anyone used a dictionary recently?

2004-11-17T00:47:00.000-05:00

There is a 'demonstration' of sorts going on at my campus right now. There's a huge display put on by the Genocide Awareness Project on a major section of the campus graphically comparing abortion with genocide campaigns such as the Holocaust, Rwanda, the lynchings of African-Americans, and so forth.
A desperate plea to GAP-

Please please please get the hell off my campus.

There's no bullshitting here, ok? Everyone knows my stance on the whole debate. I'm vehemently pro-choice. I believe abortion is a horrible thing, but it's not up to the law to decide, it's up to the women.
But my views on choice aren't what this post is about.
Whether or not I'm pro-choice, that display is hideously offensive to me.
Why?
Because they are exploiting my ancestry. They are marginalizing my heritage for their own purposes. And that is WRONG.
Six million of my Jewish ancestors were systematically and brutally killed in the Holocaust. How dare they exploit that?
The Holocaust, Rwanda, lynchings... they were all racially driven! They all happened because a group of people said "Hey, we really hate those people! They're different than us!" Abortion isn't about that. In the Holocaust, Hitler systematically murdered Jews, Gypsies, homosexuals, and so forth because he hated them. They were different. He went after ALL of them. All fully alive human beings.
This is simply not the same as abortion. Pro-choice people do not go around going "Look! A pregnant woman! Let's go suck out the fetus!" NO! No pro-choice person sees abortion as anything but a last option. We do not go searching out for pregnant women to give abortions to. We don't force them to have it. We do not hate fetuses!
And despite the obvious differences, GAP still thinks it's ok to make false analogies.
Well, it's not.
So get the fuck off my campus, assholes.

Broken Saints

2004-11-15T22:59:00.000-05:00

I'll be honest, I'm trying to do my best to avoid writing about personal stuff, but this is rather important and it deserves a plug.
Everyone's views are based on something, are influenced by someone. Mine are influenced by many many things and many many people. But among them is a certain man who truly helped shaped my view on social theories. His name is Brooke Burgess. He is the writer/director of an online animated novel series called Broken Saints. It's an avant-garde flash animation series, truly beautiful and thrilling. I had the pleasure of being contacted by him about 3 and a half years ago. I had seen his website, dropped a note on his guestbook saying how much I had enjoyed it and, boom, three hours later, I received an IM from him complimenting me on my writing that he had seen on a website of mine.
Thus began a beautiful relationship.
We had many a late-night conversation and I have saved every piece of correspondence between the two of us. We spoke of the basic nature and driving forces of mankind. We spoke philosophy, sociology, politics. We disagreed many times, but there was always a mutual respect. He was a true mentor and influence on my life and I feel that's it's only appropriate that I allow a plug for a man that affected my life so greatly.

So, Brooke, here's to you.

http://www.brokensaints.com/

Ban Marriage

2004-11-12T01:28:00.000-05:00

Sorry that this is short, but it's a bit late here.
I've had a few questions as to my view on gay marriage in the US. Here's my opinion.
There shouldn't be marraige in law at ALL.
The government should only be allowed to give civil unions to all couples, heterosexual or homosexual. If you want to get married, go find a church to do it. Stop trying to bring religious morals into this. If two people love each other enough that they want to be legally connected, stop worrying if they're the same gender. Just say Mazel Tov and give them a damn civil union. Marriage has no place in secular law and we need to stop pretending it does.
And to Bush:
Stop screwing with the union of couples of all sexualities.
There. 'Nuff said.
-CH

Don't Agonize, Organize

2004-11-10T14:15:00.000-05:00

I apologize for missing last night's posting I'll make it up to you guys, I promise!

So, last night I went to see a great concert by RebbeSoul. They're some great musicians who take traditional, mostly Jewish, tunes and re-invent them. They were absolutely fantastic. They had these two incredible percussionists, both of which I had the pleasure of meeting.Cassio Duarte and John Walker were simply incredible.

This story goes somewhere, I promise.

So, after the concert, John Walker and I were talking with some other people and he saw my ever-present messenger bag and its multitudes of politically related buttons. He commented on it, I mentioned that yes, I was a crazy liberal to which he replied. "Oh. Then I'm sorry." This referred to the election of George W. Bush as the next president (as far as I'm concerned, he didn't win the first time around.), not to the fact that I'm a liberal. I told him my feelings on the election. And that's what today's post is.

I told you the story went someplace.

So, the election of Bush. I know I posted earlier my distaste to the results of the '04 election. ("Hello? 1972?" Why, yes! We can make the same mistake twice!") I even made several references to a possible defection to Canada. But as of right now, it looks like I'll be spending the next long while in the States. So, it's about time that we alter the attitudes to better suit the upcoming political era of craziness.
First thing we have to deal with is the fact that Bush won. Disturbing at best. But he did. Democracy took it's course and ended up sucking in the process. But the process was followed and we HAVE to respect that. So move on, people.
Now, what do we do? Organize. We can't change the president, we need to work with what we have. That means it's more important than EVER to lobby for your cause. Now is the time to push for what needs to be done. And it's time to push harder than ever. We have to really hold our politicians to the fire and pressure them to support our rights. It is no longer acceptable for us to sit at home and decide not to be involved.
And if that doesn't work....

Then it's time for a revolution.

A letter to governor Robert Ehrlich

2004-11-08T21:54:00.000-05:00

Dear Governor Bob Ehrlich,

Stop fucking with my education.

No, really, I'm serious. Pull up your pants and stop raping higher education funding.

In case you weren't aware, at 6:15 this evening, a large group of University of Maryland College Park students rallied on the McKeldin Mall and begged you to stop cutting our funding. We NEED that money. We are Maryland's flagship school and you're just bending us over and making us your bitch. Why the HELL are you cutting are funding? We have the sixth highest tuition in the COUNTRY for a public university. And now you want to cut funding and raise tuition? Most of us aren't like you. WE didn't get to go to Princeton on a free ride. Parents are barely scraping together tuition and housing, kids are working to get through college and you want to screw them over with tuition hikes?

You are one cold hearted bastard.

Maybe you're not aware, but not only are we an excellent school education-wise, but we are an excellent addition to Maryland. We create jobs. For every dollar that is invested into the University, it comes back six-fold. You whine that you want more educated workers? Then why the hell are you cutting back on funds? Where in the name of all that is good and holy do you think education comes from?!

We have lost professors and teachers, we are losing our edge in technology, we are losing educational departments, we've had to cut back on dining hall hours, we can't renovate our shitty dorms, most of which don't even have AIR CONDITIONING, and we're losing funding for our student organizations.
We NEED that money.
And may I add, we're pissed.

Guess what. We have a shitload of voters here. And we won't stand for it. We will put the pressure on you. And in two years, we will kick your pasty ass out of office.
When you're taking it out to fuck higher education, we're going to grab you by the balls. And I assure you, we will be full ready to twist.

So in conclusion:
Please stop fucking with us.

Sincerely,
Cruel Hazel

Cost of War

2004-11-05T13:20:00.000-05:00

Priorites, People.

"Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired, signifies in the final sense a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed."
President Dwight D. Eisenhower
April 16, 1953

Go here- http://www.costofwar.com/
You'll be amazed.

Post-Election Nursery Rhymes

2004-11-04T11:02:00.000-05:00

Well, that's it. I'm moving to Canada.

Really, the outcome of the election was rather disappointing. I mean, don't get me wrong, we had a record voter turnout this year. That was fabulous. Hurray for you! But Mid-West America, one question for you-

What the HELL were you thinking?

Anyhow, enough whining. I'm gonna go take advantage of my last few moments of having rights as a woman and a bisexual.
Here are some Post-Election Nursery rhymes for you. Go have fun. Read 'em to your kids. Jade 'em while they're young, I say. That's what the original nursery rhymes were all about anyway. Socio-Political commentary, that is. I'm just re-releventng them.

Georgie Porgie Post-Election
Georgie Porgie, Dick's little guy,
Took his country to war on a lie,
But when it came to Election Day,
Somehow Georgie Porgie got to stay.

Iraq Sheep the Black Sheep
Baa, Baa, Iraq Sheep,
Will you take the blame?
'Yes, sir, yes, sir, we'll distract them again
From the failing job markets,
From the thousand troopers died,
Not to mention all the rights they're losing on the side.'
Baa, Baa, Iraq Sheep,
Will you take the the blame?
'Yes, sir, yes sir,
We'll distract them all again.'

This Is The War Lies Built
This is the war lies built.

These are the $145,000,000,000 already spent
In the war that lies built.

These are the 8,150 troops wounded,
And the $145,000,000,000 already spent
In the war that lies built.

These are the 1,124 American soldiers dead,
And the 8,150 troops wounded,
And the $145,000,000,000 already spent
In the war that lies built.

These are the 1,266 total coalition soldiers dead
Including the 1,128 American soldiers dead
And the 8,150 troops wounded,
And the $145,000,000,000 already spent
In the war that lies built

The Day Is Upon Us

2004-11-01T22:00:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow is the big day. The Presidential Election. The day we decide who will be the focus of our scandals for the next 4-8 years. The day we choose, as many put it, 'the lesser of the two evils.'
And I can't help but think that's pretty damn sad to have that sort of mentality.
Think back, way back, before the vicious Republican/Democrat wars. Think back to that very first president we had. George Washington, remember him? He didn't become president because he was the 'lesser of evils', he became our leader because he deserved it. When did the freedom to choose our leader devolve into the chore of picking our impending doom? Is it voter apathy? Is it corrupt politicians? Is it a vicious cycle of one leading to the other leading to the other?
It is time to reclaim our politicians and reclaim our rights. We must vote to be heard. We must lobby to change. We must learn about our RIGHTS to truly understand.

Decent Qualifications

2004-10-29T00:33:00.000-04:00

I recently mentioned to someone that I planned to cover the debate a bit in my blog. The response I got was "Well, what are your qualifications?"
The truth is, I'm not a government and politics major nor a journalism major. The only politics course I've taken was Rhetoric in American Political Humor. HOWEVER, I am a Public Relations and theatre major. I'm an expert when it comes to lying and 'creative reasoning.' In this election of spin, I think that might be pretty useful.
-CH

Why the Media Makes Baby Jesus Cry

2004-10-27T18:51:00.000-04:00

When I say that I don't trust the media, I mean I don't trust the MEDIA. That means ANY media, including the liberal/independent media, as well as the mainstream media. They both have their issues. In general, the same issues, just in different forms. The mainstream media is overly influenced by outside factors. The fact of the matter is that these networks like Fox, CNN, NBC, etc; all rely on advertising. Pissing off the corporate sponsors is a no-no. They're pretty much walking on eggshells all the time, especially on controversial issues. Not to mention that they don't want to piss off their viewers, the reason they're even getting advertising. Sadly, there are a lot of ignorant, but strongly opinionated people out there. They may not be fully educated on the issue, but by golly, they have an OPINION on it and how dare some fancy-pants anchorperson tell them they're wrong. Not to mention the boobs in the White House Press Corps who are literally being told what to say. Sadly, you can't report what you don't know and in the case of the White House, you don't know unless they tell you.

Unless, of course, you turn hearsay into truth.

So, this brings me to the liberal media.

Wake up and smell the coffee, kids.

The independent/liberal media is lying to you, too.

Just because they tell you something different doesn't make it true. A lie can take may forms and the facts misconstrued in thousands of ways. The liberal media is just another group of people writing to an audience in order to get more viewers/readers. I've seen completely untrue rumors be taken as fact as the liberal media. And I believe in helping the less fortunate, truly I do. However, the liberal media will take the side of the underdog in EVERY instance, even if the "underdog" is wrong. What the liberal media must realize is that sometimes the minority is wrong. Sometimes, the government DOES do the right thing! There's more than two sides to every issue. There's often a third party that the independent media will completely marginialize. The liberal media needs to start taking journalistic integrity more seriously and provide a truly unbiased report of the news around them and to stop writing to the angry college-hippies with not enough to do with themselves.

Now, I'll admit, I sounded a bit hard on the liberal media and maybe not hard enough on the mainstream. I used to be an avid follower of independent media until I opened my eyes to realize that they kept trying to tell me the same conspiracy theories over and over again.. And I think the problems with mainstream media is pretty obvious.

So you have to realize, just because it's scandalous, doesn't make it true. Research news for yourself. Trust no media. They're just several paths to lies.

Aiming for the Wrong Target

2004-10-26T23:01:00.000-04:00

I was recently priveleged (read: required to for class) to attend a lecture on public relations and specifically those regarding the upcoming election. Two alumni from UMD representing the McGinn Group firm gave a fairly impressive, informative, and interesting presentation. During the course of this presentation, they listed the mainaudiences they were targeting in their publicity campaigns for the upcoming presidential election. They listed 'Security Moms', "Nascar Dads', latinos, African-Americans, and the LGBT audiences. Surprisingly, they didn't list young adults, especially around the college age. I think this is silly. Don't get me wrong, it's easy to understand the rationale. College students and young adults are infamous for low voting records lately. However, I believe that ths election will be different. We have seen a surge of voting campaigns aimed at this demographic. After 9/11 and with the current war, we're becoming more politically aware. I voiced my disbelief to a feloow classmate while leaving the lecture.
"Yeah, but what issues are really affecting us in this election?" he responded with a shrug. My jaw dropped.
After a moment of thought, I discussed it with him. Women's rights issues, for one. Maybe that didn't affect him, but it did affect his girlfriend, right? The pro-choice movement is in fear of Bush being re-elected and furthering his anti-abortionist agenda. Furthermore, it is almost certain that at least one space will become available in the Supreme Court, allowing the president to appoint one or more judges to the Supreme court. The next-president's choice of judges will severly affect the laws and rulings made in the not only the next four years, but the entire life-long career of that judge.
I continued on. The economy was another important factor. How would the next president handle the job market? As soon as we finish college, we begin to look for jobs. How DOESN'T the job market and economy affect us in the next four years?
And let's not forget the war. How will the next president affect the war? Not to mention one of the new campaign hot topics: the draft. The draft is what affects us most of all. We need to vote. We need to have a say in whether we're going to be shipped off to the army.
A note about the draft. As I'll remind people many a time, I'm not a government and politics major. I'm not some political super-geek. I just tells it likes I sees it. Both Kerry and Bush have openly stated being against a draft.
Sadly, this is bullshit.
I spoke to an unnamed relative today who occupies a unnamed position in an unnamed department of the Department of Defense. Without getting into specifics, I trust his opinion. I asked whether he thought a draft was likely. He told me what he thought. He thought the draft was pretty much inevitable. Here's why.
We are currently in a war. Troops are needed to fight this war. Right now, Bush is instituting what's known as a "backdoor draft." For instance, military tours (service time) are being extended. Army members signed up for a tour period of six months, for example, are being kept on tour for over a year. Army members are being pulled out of retirement. This is Bush's current way of keeping troops in the war. This is also pissing a shitload of people off. If this 'backdoor draft' is ever abandoned, which many people will fight to have done, then "there's only one other way to get the people for the army we need." as my unnamed relative put it. A draft.
I asked if it was more likely that there'd be a draft with Bush than with Kerry. He said at this point yes, but he also reminded me that Bush is privvy to a bit more information about the war than Kerry is, what with him being the President of the United States. He went on to say that Kerry may also chsnge his opinion of the war should he get into office and is privvy to more information.
Pretty much, what I gleamed from it is, as long as we're still at war, the draft is almost inevitable. Less likely with Kerry, but still a good chance.
And personally, I don't feel any better about any of this.

Virginia May Finally Can Spam

2004-10-26T00:23:00.000-04:00

Spam. Ew. Not only is it a rather unappetizing meat in a can, it's also the tech term for unsolicited bulk email. Some of us receive HUNDREDS of these emails a day. Bulk, yes. Unsolicited, yes. I assure you, I have never wondered how to enlarge my non-existent male-member nor do I have any interest in helping the Surgeon General of Zimbabwe transfer his money to the States. And like it's meaty namesake, this vegetarian has no interest in the loads of crap that clog my inbox every fucking day.

And neither does the State of Virginia, apparently.

Around April 2003, Virginia passed new anti-spam provisions under its Computer Crimes Act, fondly nicknamed as the Can-Spam Act. These provisions made it the toughest anti-spam law in the US. Spamming can now be tried as a felony in the state of Virginia. This applies to all mail routed through Virginia based servers, including Virginia-based AOL. In fact, 80% of internet traffic flows through Virginia servers at some point, claims USAToday. However, as great as this seems, there were many a doubter when the act first passes as to whether this law would be enforced.

All ye of little faith, now be the time of reckoning.

Virginia began the nation's first-ever spam felony trial on Monday. Three defendants stand to receive 15 years in jail and $10,000 in fines. This will be the test to see how useful is this severe spamming law. Without boring you with details, there's a link to the USA Today article below for that, I'll sum this up real quick-like. If Virginia manages to push through and successfully prosecute these offenders, there will be a hella lot more trial cases like this popping up. Then maybe spammers will think twice before pushing that send button. And maybe, just maybe, I'll receive less than 500 spam messages a day about discounted herbal Viagra.
-CH

USA Today article- http://yahoo.usatoday.com/money/industries/technology/2004-10-25-spam_x.htm?csp=1
Virginia's Spam Laws- http://www.spamlaws.com/state/va.html
The Official Spam Website- http://www.spam.com/